sábado, 28 de noviembre de 2009

Jeans y zapatillas


Me quejo del chat, pero la verdad no sé que haría sin él porque para levantar tipos en un boliche soy un queso.


La otra vez salí a bailar con una amiga lesbiana que acababa de cortar con una especie de novia que tuvo y, como yo, ardía en deseos de reventar la noche. Así que nos juntamos a cenar en su casa, tomamos unas cervezas, fernet y decidimos ponernos bien sexys. Yo me basé en el cubreojeras milagroso, el perfume importado que compramos entre 5 locas y una combinación cromática perfecta en mi indumentaria. Mi amiga se contentó con una remera verde, jeans y zapatillas deportivas. Ni siquiera se peinó (pero se lavó los dientes).


Así nos fuimos los dos, del brazo y super contentos (o, más bien, alegres) a bailar y romper corazones.


Dos daikiris más tarde, estábamos bailando en medio de la pista tratando de acercarnos a un grupito de tortas que mi amiga quería ver más de cerca. Yo estaba medio aburrido porque todos los tipos me parecían feos y ya estaba empezando a deprimirme y a pensar que me he vuelto una loca exigente como tantas cuando, de repente, lo ví.


Era la perfección hecha hombre. Al menos para mí. Un morocho de labios carnosos y mirada triste, encima peinado y vestido perfectamente. Y lo que me mató: arito en la oreja. Parecía el chico malo de una novela mexicana y ochentosa. Es decir: mi tipo.


Estaba bailando con dos chicas que parecían de 18 años como mucho y no parecía muy divertido. De golpe, e inevitablemente, me vió. Y, sobre todo, vió cómo le clavaba la mirada. Empezó entonces el jueguito de “te miro/me mirás”, “yo no te miro/vos me mirás”. Estuvimos así como cinco minutos y así me dí cuenta que yo también le interesaba. Sino, me hubiera esquivado la mirada o se hubiera hecho el sota.


La cuestión es que, en ese momento clave, no me atreví a encararlo. Demasiada belleza intimida y me quedé colgado con el jueguito de las miradas, aunque tironeando a mi amiga para tratar de acercarme más a él. Al ratito, se agachó a decir algo en la oreja de una de sus amigas y se fue. Entonces aproveché mi total ausencia de miedo con las mujeres (y mi grado de alcohol en la sangre) y me acerqué a hablar con ellas.

- ¿Adónde se fue el potro de tu amigo?- le dije a una.

- Al baño- me contestó, divertida

- Ah, bueno, entonces lo voy a esperar.

- Jaja, dale- me dijo.


Seguí bailando con mi amiga cerca de ellas y, mientras le explicaba la situación ¿qué pudo pasar? Apareció un pendejo rubio, con bronceado perfecto y unos bíceps de película que exhibía con total obscenidad. Era algo cachetón, pero muy lindo, realmente. Y lo más importante de todo, no dejaba de mirarme. Yo miraba para otro lado y volvía a ver hacia su zona y me seguía mirando. Encima con una media sonrisa que rayaba lo lascivo.


Estaba acompañado por una loca horrenda y barbuda que también me miraba, aunque con respeto. Se vé que ya veía las intenciones de su amigo.


En ese momento, el morocho medio que se me desvaneció. Pero pensé en el arito de nuevo y me dije “Tengo que esperarlo al otro, no puedo ser tan bosta”. Así que seguí bailando tratando de ignorar al rubio, cosa imposible, ya que se me iban los ojos, pero al menos no respondí sus sonrisas.


El rubio empezó a acercarse cada vez más hasta que quedó prácticamente al lado mío. El bailaba sin parar con su amigo pero sin dejar de mirarme y buscar mis ojos. Ya se ponía tensa la situación cuando volvió el galán mexicano. Al pasar junto a mí para llegar a sus amigas, me poseyó alguna cosa loca y le dije: “Sos el chico más lindo del boliche”. Ahí nomás sonrió y, con mucho afeminamiento me dijo “Gracias, pero estoy esperando a mi novio que ya llega”.


“Ahhhh, bueno”- le dije- “disculpá entonces”. Y me dí vuelta y seguí bailando con mi amiga.


Por supuesto el rubio vió todo y antes que yo me diera vuelta ya se había alejado como dos metros de mí. Empecé a pensar cómo hacer para acercarme a él de nuevo pero me sentí tan pavo que le dije a mi amiga que saliéramos.


Dimos una vuelta un rato y después subimos al primer piso. Desde ahí lo ví al rubio bailando con dos tipos más. Uno le manoseaba los pectorales y él se dejaba como si nada. Pero no parecía muy contento.


Al rato ví que se alejó con su amigo y se fue a la otra punta de la pista. Mientras mi amiga se babeaba con una travesti que apoyaba los codos en la barra para exhibir mejor la cola, yo pensaba en si debía o no debía acercarme al rubio de nuevo. En eso, a unos metros de donde estaba yo, lo veo al morocho con sus amigas mirándome. Apenas vió que lo ví miró para otro lado y sonrió. Era obvio que lo del novio era un cuento pero yo no entendía porqué ese jueguito de miradas si después se iba a hacer el boludo. Me negaba a creer que fuera histeriqueo puro, pero no había otra explicación.


Por otro lado, no dejaba de pensar “si lo hubiera hablado apenas empezamos a mirarnos seguro se me entregaba”. Es decir, concluí que fue todo culpa mía por no avanzar en el momento adecuado.


Más tarde, bajando las escaleras, lo ví al rubio enterrando la lengua en la boca de un pelado y ahí supe que me había quedado sin el pan y sin la torta. Lo peor es que el rubio me vió mientras yo lo miraba besándose con el otro y me juego la vida que tuvo un orgasmo al ver mi cara de arrepentido.


Ojalá yo hubiera encontrado algún otro potro para tranzarlo delante del morocho, pero ya se acababa la noche y sólo quedaba la resaca.


Mi amiga, en cambio, se tranzó a la mitad de las tortas del lugar y se fue a su casa con una petisa tetona (que, según ella, son las mejores). Quizás el secreto es usar jeans y zapatillas deportivas. Y no peinarse. Pero, a esta altura de mi vida, no me considero capaz de salir a bailar así.


Habrá que seguir chateando.

82 comentarios:

  1. Qué lástima, Rubio! El del arito me pareció un super boludo!
    Otra noche será.


    BESOTES Y BUEN FINDE!

    ResponderEliminar
  2. La verdad es que últimamente hay más gente en el chat que en el boliche.
    Pero que no baje el ánimo que siempre hay desquite y las pequeñas venganzas también alimentan nuestro espíritu inquieto.

    ResponderEliminar
  3. hahaha para! voy a empezar a dejar los tacos y usar zapatillas...

    pero bueno leccion de vida? hay qeu atacar de una quizas... nada de dar vueltas...

    besos blondo!!!

    ResponderEliminar
  4. Creeme, tu amiga debe tener otros atributos... definitivamente no insistas en las zapatillas. Besos

    ResponderEliminar
  5. Qué poesía en la frase: "...ya se acababa la noche y sólo quedaba la resaca."

    Me reí mucho con el post!!!

    ResponderEliminar
  6. POr dios como odio el histeriqueo, me enferma. En mi mundo solo existe un solo histérico, yo, que soy moderado, y si histeriqueo es para decir solo y solo no, nunca para dar la más minima oportunidad. Y conmigo no pueden, cuando me lo hacen no solo me hago el re dificil, directamente te corto el rostro. Alguien dijo por ahi que desistas de las zapatillas... de una man, eso es de chongo chongo, o de torta que la tiene clara.

    ResponderEliminar
  7. Jajajaja... me sentí muy vos por lo de fijarte en detalles y por lo de ser más del chat que del boliche. Eso sí, las zapatillas (no digo en boliches porque no concurro) es imperdonable: son lo más cómodo del mundo. Después de andar descalzo por la vida, claro.

    Un beso :)

    ResponderEliminar
  8. Como diría Peña, hay que pensar menos y escuchar más a la panza ;)

    ResponderEliminar
  9. Rubio, querido... estamos completamente de acuerdo, hay que seguir chateando.

    Un abrazote.

    ResponderEliminar
  10. Me había quedado el análisis más profundo.
    No te van ni las zapa ni el despeinado.
    Porque aunque te quédes sólo no es tu onda, porque no es tu onda transar con cualquiera toda la noche para llevar algo al final.
    Así como hay vagos para casi cualquier empresa (yo) también debe hacer quienes sean más selectivos (vos) porque aunque esta vez te quedaste solo, no siempre a los de zapa y despeinado nos va bien.

    ResponderEliminar
  11. jajaj, bueno, pues a seguir buscando, que seguro que aparece rapido, jejej

    Un beso cielo

    ResponderEliminar
  12. Jaja que boludo
    eso no se hace rubio
    tuviste tu merecido
    hay que agarrar viaje rapido
    sino despues pasan
    esas cosas

    ResponderEliminar
  13. Cuando se tiene con que elegir no hay por qué conformarse con lo primero que aparece

    ResponderEliminar
  14. Deberias haberte tranzado al rubio antes que volviera el morocho. Le decías que te esperara afuera y mientras tanto te lo comías al otro.
    Después decidías.
    En el boliche no sirve ser tímido.

    ResponderEliminar
  15. No entiendo ¿porque no podes ir a bailar asi?

    ResponderEliminar
  16. buen blog. Buena manera de narrar

    ResponderEliminar
  17. Es un asco la histeria de los tipos, porque no pueden dejarse de joder y coger de una?! siempre mirarse mirarse y despues nada
    me revienta

    ResponderEliminar
  18. No sé mucho de levantes en boliches. Generalmente miro heteros, cuando me doy cuenta que un tipo es gay pierdo el interés, por muy lindo que esté.
    Qué lástima que no te dio bola el morocho. El se lo pierde.

    ResponderEliminar
  19. Rubio, segui saliendo a bailar, o por las calles! haceme caso, pensalo de esta forma, vos mismo lo dijiste "quizas no lo encaré en el momento justo", eso puede ser porque tanto chat, redujo tu percepción in situ! sali a las calles rubio!!! no hay nada mejor que el cara a cara!
    Un abrazo y muy buen relato como siempre.

    ResponderEliminar
  20. Buenísimo, como siempre ... Definitivamente, ¡aguanten las zapas con jeans! Aunque eso no es garantía de nada. Y por ahí el día lo hacés no funciona y ves que necesitarías un toque extra de producción.

    ResponderEliminar
  21. Opino que el tiempo pasa y todo sigue igual en la noche gay. Viví muchas y frustrantes noches de boliche, hasta que un día, relajado, descubrí que los levantes no necesariamente pasaban por un boliche y hablo de tiempos alejados del chat!!!
    Recomiendo un gim muy concurrido y unos shorts ajustado!

    ResponderEliminar
  22. Opino que el tiempo pasa y todo sigue igual en la noche gay. Viví muchas y frustrantes noches de boliche, hasta que un día, relajado, descubrí que los levantes no necesariamente pasaban por un boliche y hablo de tiempos alejados del chat!!!
    Recomiendo un gim muy concurrido y unos shorts ajustado!

    ResponderEliminar
  23. Siempre me divierto con las cosas que escribis, le doy la razón a Ivan, los boliches no sirven para ser tímido jajaja
    Te sigo leyendo,

    Fran.

    ResponderEliminar
  24. Todavia soy virgen en experiencia bolichera... pero creo q me adhiero a lo que dice ME LLAMO IVAN... era lo mas logico... aunque esperar logica en el ambiente gay... francamente... jeeeeeeee... besos Rubio...!!!

    ResponderEliminar
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